Bisexual Guys & the Transsexual Female.
What do you see when you look in the mirror? The luckiest guy in the universe, right? You're handsome, charming and witty, accepting, open-minded and liberal. You're that most fortunate of all God's creations, a bisexual guy; ready to "pleasure" everyone of either sex, any way, anywhere, anytime, each in his or her way, according to sex and preferences.
You gave the matter some thought and concluded that ideal date for a bisexual guy is a transsexual female, a "trannie," a chick with a dick who looks like a woman but is hung like a man. "Shemales" are the "best of both worlds," we often hear. They're "more feminine than any naturally-born woman" you've ever met; they can understand you and please you better than any "normal" woman ever could.
After a quick Web search, you found a site called TS Girlfriend, a place promising dates with quality transsexual females. Surely, this must be Nirvana. Here, you should find what you're after. So you get yourself all spiffed up, pop in and ask, "Where's the shemales at?" But for some reason, the women in the room aren't all that eager for your "masculine love," and the Room Monitors are making threats.
So what gives? Why the frosty reception?
There are a lot of reasons. For one thing, your approach is all wrong. For another, you may have some misconceptions as to who and what transsexual females are, and the things they want in a relationship.
Most of the transsexual females in this chatroom -- and the Room Monitors, in particular -- have been around awhile. We're veterans of other, sleazier transsexual chatrooms. We've learned the tactics and buzzwords used by bisexual guys who come looking for sex. Some of them are so common, you'll find them listed in the Room Rules. To you, they're legitimate descriptive slang. To the majority of the transsexuals here, they're an instant turn-off, one that will get you rejected and possibly kicked out for life.
Here are some samples:
Shemale: An invention of the pornography industry used to describe what are, effectively, effeminate gay men with breasts. It's a very offensive word and using it here is akin to yelling "The N-Word" in a meeting of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People.
Tranny/Trannie: A shortened version of "transsexual." This is offensive because people who use it are ignorant, or they're know-it-alls who can't be bothered learning about what transsexuality really is.
Chick With A Dick and Girl With "Something Extra": This pair says several things. First, they assume a transsexual female is still an anatomically functional male, essentially a gay guy in a dress. A few "girls" who come here do like having their penises and plan on keeping them. The majority of transsexual females do not. They do not see themselves as male; they can't stand having male genitalia and want to get rid of "it" as soon as possible, if they haven't already done so. When you, a bisexual guy, asks for "a chick with a dick," you remind them of body parts they don't want and a part of their past they'd rather forget.
Curious / Bi-Curious: Words with two meanings, depending on who you are. To a bisexual guy, they mean, "I want to learn more, meet other people and have new "experiences." Transsexuals hear it differently: (1) You're looking to add her to your list of "exotic" sexual experiences; which means she'll spend the rest of your life known as, "Yeah, I f**ked one of them, once." Usually followed by a rating. (2) You say you're straight, but you come here to find a transsexual so you can indulge in gay sex but still look like you're dating a woman.
Looking: Basically the same thing as "curious," with neither the pretense of wanting to learn nor the honesty of saying you're a bisexual guy. You're just trolling for sex; with an escort if need be, or without a price tag if you can get away with it.
Empty Flattery: Transsexual females are "better looking/ more feminine/ more sensitive/ understand men better" than "normal" girls. It's sandwich time! Fetch the bread and the mustard, we just got a load of baloney. Wise up, guy, we've heard it all before and it's not going to work.
Hey, I wanna…
Poor choice of words isn't the only thing getting you in trouble. Your approach has something to do with it. Among the most common mistakes Room Monitors see a bisexual guy make is to pop up in the room and do one or more of the following:
1. Obscene or suggestive nicknames that blatantly state sexual interest, preference or the size and use of certain body parts.
2. Announcing that he's "curious," that he's "looking for an experience;" that he wants to "hook up" with someone in his area.
3. Uninvited Private Messages, sent at random to anyone or everyone in the room, without permission. This is compounded by overt, offensive and sexually explicit language.
If calling someone a "trannie" is bad, these are worse. Intentionally or not, you've labeled yourself a sexual predator, or at least a loser.
First, most of us recognize cheap pickup lines when we see them. No one with a shred of sense and self-respect is going to jump up and dash off to "pleasure" every fool who demands it. It's dangerous, it's degrading and you're disgusting. You think you're a suave, sophisticated playa whose magnetic personality will win him any man or woman he desires. The transsexual females here see it differently -- they think you're pathetic. Those who aren't angry or nauseated are laughing at you.
Second, there's that thing in your pants and what you want us to do with it. One or two girls who come here still have and enjoy using their male organs but most don't. Asking a transsexual female to perform what amounts to gay sex is asking a lot. You're asking her to renounce the woman she is inside, in favor of being a girl with "something extra" and playing boy for your amusement.
That's the difference between a gay or bisexual guy and a transsexual woman. She does not see herself as gay, or as a man. She doesn't like having a penis or even acknowledging it, let alone using the thing. You might as well feed steak to a vegan or persuade a Christian clergyman to perform Aztec human sacrifice rituals. That's how big a deal it is, and it goes double for transsexual lesbians.
Where Have You Been and What (Who) Have You Been Up (To)?
Personal safety is another reason you're not likely to score, here. The risk of being assaulted or killed is one reason transsexual females are reluctant to meet strange men for casual sex. Then there's the chance of catching a sexually transmitted disease from a one-night-stand. When you ask a woman for sex, you're exposing her to everyone else you've had sex with and the diseases they may have had. Add intravenous drug use and the risks are even higher. That's a lot to ask of someone you're going to use once and throw away.
What a Girl Wants, What a Girl Needs…
So far, we've concentrated on the negatives. There are so many you're asking yourself why a person calling itself TS Girlfriend exists if you can't pick up a trannie girl.
There are a lot of reasons.
First, this site's chatroom works like a pub or a coffee shop. It's a place for transsexuals and those who enjoy their company, to chat, socialize and get acquainted without being constantly pestered and hit on. Occasionally, two people will hit it off and take it to another level, like a private conversation or even meeting, once they've gotten to know and trust each other. The Room Rules are there to ensure it stays that way.
This chat is not a dating page, a trolling zone or an escort service. If all you want to do is hook up with a chick with a dick and get laid, do a Web search and go someplace else. There are a lot of places out there.
So, What do Transsexual Women Want?
R-E-S-P-E-C-T, for one thing, to be treated as people and as women, not as perverted oddities or sex toys. Comparing a transsexual to someone born male or female is insulting, whether you do it to her face, or behind her back in conversation with your barroom buddies. So is public speculation about "What they're like," especially if you've never even met one and all you know came from watching pornography. You wouldn't treat your boss or your mother like something to be conquered, used up and thrown away, would you?
Discretion is not just the better part of valor, it's common courtesy. If you've ever been publicly outed for being a gay man or bisexual guy, then you know how humiliating -- even dangerous -- it can be. For a transsexual female, it's worse. In transition, she has to build a whole new life, from her socks to her sex, including how she presents herself. It's hard to blend in without being spotted, And, especially in the early stages, the whole thing can be blown apart like a house of cards with one wrong word. So do unto others what you'd have done unto you.
Now we come to "commitment," the infamous "C-Word." This is another difference between men and women. Men tend to play the field, and many will sleep with whomever and whatever they can, whenever they can. The aim is to prove one's manhood by scoring as often as possible without getting caught.
Being the nurturing souls they are, women want something different. They want the emotional security of a stable, monogamous relationship with a man who will stick around for while; not one who vanishes away, sometime between when she falls asleep and wakes up alone, the next morning.
Admittedly, these are stereotypes. Some men do want long-lasting relationships and some women are sexual predators. But they're more the exception than the rule.
Another stereotype says -- rightly or wrongly -- that bisexual guys are, by definition, promiscuous; they'll put into any ole port in a hormone storm. Even less fair is the assumption that bisexual guys go in for kinky sex, multiple partners, three-ways, etc. These may not be true, but they are common perceptions.
It's a matter of trust. Women -- even transsexual ones -- want a man who isn't likely to sneak off and cheat whenever, wherever, to do whatever with whomever he can. You can make all the promises you want that you're "different" and that you'll stay faithful but they're meaningless if she doesn't believe you. Bad reputations are easy to get stuck with and hard to get rid of, even if it's only guilt by association.
All is not lost, though. You can rise above the stereotypes and preconceived notions if you're honest, earnest and take your time, but it won't be easy to prove yourself worthy. For one thing, don't make a big deal of love, sex and getting your jollies; they only complicate things.
It is more important to be a friend. Appeal to her mind and heart with intelligent conversation without the lame lines and false flattery. When she talks, listen to what she says (there will be a quiz, later), instead of zoning-out, ogling her anatomy and wondering what you can do with it. Hang out together, be a confidant and offer a shoulder to cry on when needed -- that's how you build trust and a long-lasting relationship. That shows you care far better than all the promises you can make. Do it often enough and not only will you overcome the stereotypes, you'll earn trust, respect and a few friends. And that's better than a one-night-stand.
Copyright 2006, by the author, all publication rights reserved.
The topic of this page is Bisexual Guys & the Transsexual Female.