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Stark, cold reality can generate fear
If she's fully passable but pre-op, what happens if her tucked penis somehow becomes visible in her bikini bottom? What about if her Adam's apple is noticeable? If she hasn't completed electrolysis, facial hair might compromise the big secret. What about her voice? Oh my god – what will Mom and Dad think? What about the office Christmas party when she meets the boss?
If he has joint custody of children from a prior marriage, what happens if his ex-wife finds out? Will she try to use that as leverage in court to cut him out?
What about his football or golf buddies? What he dreads hearing is: "Are you a fag?"
Can you sense his ice-cold fear?
In this situation, when faced with the reality of entering into a legitimate relationship, he has to make a choice: Face down these people or run from the TS girl. Most often, he will run.
If you're a TS lady experiencing this problem, then it would be useful to talk about this openly and honestly with your man. You might as well find out if he can handle the ancillary relationship issues. This is far more problematic than what a genetic female experiences.
Did he say he can handle it? Good, then put him to the test. You might as well find out if he's telling the truth before you invest any more of your time and money in him. If he disappears on you, then you know for a fact that he can't handle it. Also apply this test to older men; obviously, there are a lot of liars with gray hair.
When the tables are turned
Alternatively, there is always the possibility that he will be ahead of the game. I met a pre-op TS in late 2001, who quickly became my girlfriend. Some months later, I had to go to the San Francisco Bay Area to see my Mom. I asked this TS woman to come along. She was about 53 years old at the time, and had transitioned only two years previously.
She was extremely nervous about meeting my Mom. I told her to relax, that she would do fine.
We drove from the L.A. area to the Bay Area on a Friday, and the closer we got, the more nervous she became. We were supposed to meet Mom at a restaurant's upstairs bar where she hangs out each Friday with her lady friends. When we pulled into the parking lot, my girlfriend was about ready to dive into the bay and swim back to Los Angeles.
"Your behavior, gestures and mannerisms are perfectly feminine," I said to her. "You're a girl through and through. Relax, you'll do fine."
She swallowed hard and followed me inside. With a big smile on my face, I introduced her to Mom. My girlfriend handled it perfectly. Mom introduced her to her four ladyfriends, then we sat down, had a drink and talked.
I'm not the sort of guy who feels a need to announce that a lady I'm with is a transsexual. I keep it under my hat because I believe it's just nobody's business.
"Sorry -- no old guys"
Younger TS ladies searching for a relationship often say things like: "No men old enough to be my father" in their ads, and that's understandable. They also say things like: "Be 25 to 35 years old." That's also perfectly understandable. But it's not particularly smart.
Understand what the man has to deal with and realize that you will have to convince and essentially train a younger man to deal with the realities of a transsexual relationship. OR you will have to find a guy with the maturity and confidence to go forward regardless of what others might say.
For younger ladies, it would be a good idea not to put upper age limits in your ads. Be realistic. See what's out there. You may find a terrific older guy who thinks you're the most amazing woman he's ever seen.
If that occurs, then you get a man who adores you and can handle being in a "regular" (as opposed to "discreet") relationship with a transsexual lady. This is a good guy who won't bolt and run if things get challenging over your gender change. And he gets the transwoman who really caught his eye and his full attention.
And that's a good thing!
Copyright 2010, by the author, all publication rights reserved.
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Why Men Run from Relationships With Transsexual Ladies & What to Do About It
The topic of this page is why men run from relationships with transsexual ladies and what to do about it.