TGirls Letters - TGirl feedback to us

TGirls Letters - TGirl Feedback to Us

December, 2009

Our TGirls Letters section is devoted to feedback we receive. The most recent letters appear at the top.

HOW DO I DISCLOSE THAT I'M A TGIRL?
Subject: I've read some of your thoughtful articles, some questions….
Date: 12/30/2009 11:49:11 P.M. Pacific Standard Time
From: Deleted
To: tsgirlfriend4me@aol.com

Hello,

Thank you for the articles and chat room. I had been pondering reestablishing contact with the TS community after a decade or so away. There's at least one reason for that, perhaps a shared journey. I had reassignment surgery almost 10 years ago and except for the workplace (same company as before transitioning), I left the TS community and my past behind.

I read your article about dating a post-op and it resonated with me. I agree it's better to disclose earlier in a romantic relationship and did so during the initial years of dating post-op. I wish I could say that I found an understanding man but I didn't. So, for the past eight or so years, I didn't and don't disclose my TS background. I became gunshy, so to speak.

I am still single, which is fine, but I am revisiting the disclosure question in romantic relationships. In my social life, all girl and guy friends except one longtime, long-distance friend, this part of my life has been off limits. I have dated local guys the past few years but have gone the long-distance route before.

My question for you feels like a bit of a dilemma: How do I disclose to a guy, especially one who is a local fellow, and not have it rebound in other aspects of my life, if that person might decide to pass the information along? I have felt that being transgendered was a journey and that transsexualism was but part of the journey and not the end. So, I moved on to embrace yet other personal journeys, such as seeking spiritual enlightenment. Yet, as you know, transsexuality isn't generally perceived by the general population in those terms.

I did join in the chat room earlier this evening and am pondering whether to place a profile for dating which includes my TS background. Would you recommend any one in particular? Thank you for reading my email and I look forward to your response.

Sincerely,

--Rosalind.

WHERE TO MEET A TGIRL?
Subject: Thanks for the good advice.
Date: 12/27/2009 4:43:47 A.M. Pacific Standard Time
From: Deleted
To: Tsgirlfriend4me@aol.com

Very good article. I do not like going to bars (I don't drink) and have found some venues for me to think about meeting a good partner have to be undesirable. I kept wondering that I would like to meet someone who is interested in meeting someone also but I pretty much gave up. I saw your article and you are right on with the approach.

So I keep it simple and will join the chat and have submitted my mail list info. Also I don't see the chat entry so I see there was no Room Monitor.

Please let me know if there are any fun social events that are coming up.

Have a Happy New Year.

Regards,

--Paul D.

SPECIAL REQUEST FROM NEW TGIRL & WIFE
Subject: Transsexual sex advice.
Date: 12/24/2009 10:22:03 P.M. Pacific Standard Time
From: Deleted
To: Tsgirlfriend4me@aol.com

I'm newly married to a transsexual woman -- the man I married became a
woman soon after the wedding, and yes I am totally in love regardless
of her packaging.

I'm really surprised that there is little or no sex advice or information for couples like us. I'm concerned that there are other transsexuals who are bisexual or otherwise "into" women, and find nothing on the Internet that addresses their needs, or there are only assumptions that all MTF transsexuals are interested in
men only. And don't even get me started on the lack of porn that reflects us! ;)

I'm curious to know if you ever encounter or hear of people "like us" and what you think of the idea of creating a resource page for such couples. I've combed the Internet for more information but there is nothing! I've even met other Tgirls who are interested in women, but they never find ones who are interested in them. I know they exist!

How can we get them together if the idea of Tgirls and men-only is perpetuated continually on the Internet?

To give you an idea of the difficulty, a search for "transsexuals and
Women" led me to your webpages, and not much else!

Thoughts?

--V.Z.

SLIGHTLY…WHAT? HUH?
Subject: slightly diturbed
Date: 12/20/2009 7:27:11 A.M. Pacific Standard Time
From: Deleted
To: Tsgirlfriend4me@aol.com

Hi, i am a 23 year old trans idividual. i have only started livign full time as a women and just acquired my first job, the owner knwoing about my t's.

i was sent your artilce abotu sex with a transsexual woman by a guy that i have been talking to online for a few weeks now, and i mean he is everything i could dream for. that was until this article, but let me explain. i grew up in an area near the coast that was not as modern and i didn't knwo anythign about transgenderism till i was say 18 or 19 years old, so everythin has been knew to me. like alot of the tgurls i know i started off byu trying my hand at drag, and well liked the appearance of a female for myself more. although i've never felt like a woman trapped in a man's body. i was bumarded with the average questions from every which way, then i dcided i'd give myself 3 years to decide any thing from my first show, i first perfromed on my 20th b-day and 7 months prior to my 23rd i had started dressing full time.

i'm certain now that i want ot have or at least try for everything but srs, that is the final surgery that i have to decide on, but with the way the economy i figure i have til my late 30's to even phathom getting this done, i want to focus on electolysis and breast implants. now back to the point i wa tryign to make.. . well i am a believer that sexual acts and sexual identity are two different areas of the mind. i have and somewhat enjoy dom work, a friend tried to reason with me that your article was written conveying the majority of ts women veiw points.

but the manner in which that you convey your message about ts hating their penises is not true form what i've heard or seen, i have my drag mother who says she never used her penis or liked it, but i'm not in denial of having what God gave me, to me my genitial does not make me who i am,but my personality and apperance does. sexually i am what gay people call versatile, i like to use my penis if it comes to it, but also i at least expect some form of reciporcation.

what does it say or how is it fair for the girl to give him head and to allow him to fuck her and then do nothing in return. other than maybe a lil handy work?

the manner in which you speak of sex with a ts is barbaric at best, "oh i man i fuck hole, not suck on pole" *caveman speak, hehe* how is that even a correct train of thought sexually? i thought that sex between two people would be something passionate, yeah i can see give some ass up when ina realtionship and you both enjoy it, but other than that what do you do the rest of the time? i enjoy to be sexually experimental. but the way you say things it conveys that transexual women are the equivalent of a gg with low self esteem the type that goes to bars to find a guy who will fuck her to allow her the thought that "hey, soemoen does care about me" even if for teh 2.5 mins that he lasts. or that this article leads men to think that ts's are going to thin to them selves. . ."ok if a str8 man fucks me then that must mean i'm more like a gg." this train of thought is what causes people to get hurt not only mentally beacsud once they got your ass they move on, but physically YOU ARTICLE IS HORRIFICALLY UNDERSTATING THE NEED FOR PROTECTED SEX, i was appauled when i noticed that this was only written within this year! are you seriously that unconcerned about these girls lives tat you can't put a disclaimer or better yet an informative section on makign sure you help people live longer, but i hope that you understand where i'm coming from

this entire shy niavie lil girl syndrom that you and other people are trying to convey that ts's act like is pitiful at best. take a gander at the movie "the ugly truth" the prominate meaning in this movie also is applicable to this situation, tha women lie and dumb themselves down to get a guy, sadly obviously i'm not one of them, maybe that is why i've had trouble finding what i call a MAN, someone with a home, career, vehicle, and got the balls to stand his ground with me.

oh yeah and the thing about the women not being the sexual aggressor, i wish a man would try to lead me to the bedroom for sex for once,i would apreciate if men acted like MEN instead of lil boys. but that is a personal issue i guess, lol.

thank you fror your time, and i hope my message was convey appropriately somewhere in there,

--Jessica S.

I plead not guilty to your assertions. And your letter was such an incoherent mess I decided to run it as-is and save myself the pain of trying to edit it.

ARE ALL SHEMALES INTO ESCORTING?
Subject: I just read your article
Date: 12/18/2009 11:41:27 A.M. Pacific Standard Time
From: Deleted
To: tsgirlfriend4me@aol.com

Hi,

I just finished reading your article and I really enjoyed it. I really received some insight on the subject. But I really must question your statement about shemales being solely interested in being escorts.

I am sure there arte some escorts out there who are in, or want to be in, meaningful relationships with a straight or bi guy. And I am also sure that there are transsexuals who can function who are not interested in being escorts.

I could be wrong, but I don't think so.

--J.G.

"TGIRL" ISN'T THE SAME AS "SHEMALE"
Subject: thanks for the info on your website
Date: 12/17/2009 3:33:27 P.M. Pacific Standard Time
From: Deleted
To: tsgirlfriend4me@aol.com

I want to say thank you for the information you have posted on the site. As of yesterday, I did not know there was such a thing as a "shemale" and I thought all these terms and different labels had the same definition and described the same individuals. And now I am sure is just another fake stage term for the porn industry to make their money and don't care about others. You never know, maybe one day I will date a beautiful Tgirl.

Question for you: What do you think about the porn industry and the way they are destroying your image? Do they at least pay back to the community and help with transsexuals, transgender challenges and problems and try to do positive? Or they only look at it as the sex thing? I simply got tricked by them and caused problems for everybody.

Anyway, I got the message and thank you for your posting on your site and making me realize that I was doing wrong. It was never intentional. I hope somehow this would work, and by saying "sorry" to you others perhaps they will forgive me in their hearts. I am not a bad person, I just need to focus and trust my confidence.

Take care and happy holidays,

--Pejman Z.

THE MAN MARRIED HIS TGIRL – CONGRATULATIONS!
Subject: Hello Michael
Date: 12/14/2009 10:16:06 P.M. Pacific Standard Time
From: Deleted
To: Tsgirlfriend4me@aol.com

Hello my name is Tom, 32 years old, and I'm Vietnamese. My wife left me and my two daughters for another man. After I read your website articles, I went out to date a beautiful Thai post-op transsexual, 36 years old. After one year, I married her and we have been married for five years. I now have a beautiful wife and two daughters. My daughters call her Mommy. Thank for your advice.

--Tom from Kansas City, Kansas.

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF A TGIRL
Subject: Interesting Site
Date: 12/6/2009 3:41:29 P.M. Pacific Standard Time
From: Deleted
To: tsgirlfriend4me@aol.com

Good evening,

I was doing a bit of wandering on the Net, and stumbled across your site. In a way, I've had an interest in the psychology of the TS though not for a reason most people would understand. Though to make the previous statement understandable I guess a bit of background is in order.

I'm an information analyst, writer, and generalist -- I work at what is available. I like to understand why people are as they are and I like to connect the dots for a reason. I guess part of why I am who I am is due to dealing with those childhood feelings of "What am I?"

I suppose my childhood disconnect was a case of gender neutrality -- a mind that is neither one gender nor the other but stuck somewhere in-between. I caught some flak as a child because kids can sense when someone is different. I've since learned it doesn't matter for me. I am who I am and people like the stories I write. Being able to easily change mental gender perspective does seem to help.

To make a long story short, I can understand why someone would feel the need to change their outer shell to match their spirit -- there is no hell worse than feeling trapped as something the person isn't. I also understand why too many guys have difficulty with the subject of TS -- they see the shell as being what makes a person male or female even though it's the mind. It takes a mature mind to be secure in its sexuality and not feel insecure around others, regardless of the reason.

Through the years I've learned a bit. I remember Tula going public many years ago. I remember some of the comments guys would make about her, both good and bad. I also remember a Jerry Springer show (not so long ago) on the subject and the reactions were a bit more enlightened.

I worked on a story a few years ago about a TS and the guy she later met and established a relationship with. The work presents itself from both people's perspectives.

It's refreshing to see a site which helps people understand a bit more about the human condition.

--Cisco.

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