Letters - TGirl Feedback to Us
Letters section is devoted to feedback we receive. The most recent
letters appear at the top.
THOUGHTS ON ACCEPTANCE AS A WOMAN
Subject: About Your SIte Transgender Dating.
Date: 9/28/2006 2:34:28 PM Pacific Standard Time
It is kind of a coincidence I came across your site at this time, when
an hour ago I was literally bawling over a similar situation as presented
in your "Bar/Scene" scenerio.
I was dating someone not too long ago who I now realize how much I miss,
I am a 27-year-old male-to-female transsexual who is struggling with her
The person I was talking about I met on a field trip to an amusement park,
and the one thing that caught my attention about this guy is that, despite
major insecurities I have about myself , this person gave me the validation
that I yearned for.
Now that I look back on it, I think I might have sabotaged a really good
Anyway, about the guy. This guy was really good to me and I couldn't fathom
the idea of a guy this good liking me, really liking me.
After some time dating, I revealed to him that I recently took up "escorting"
as a trade to afford the surgeries I felt I needed to complete my transition.
I could tell he was uncomfortable with that but he didnt say anything
about it. He tried to make the best attempt at being understanding with
this new-found knowledge about me. At one point, he came to my home while
I was with a client, which was really awkward and awful.
My point is that I couldn't accept that he accepted me as a woman. I was
so self involved and worried about being this image of perfection, mainly
because I felt that I needed to be prettier and more feminine than a GG
to keep a man's interest, that I need to pass without question and be
undoubtedly accepted as a woman. I also made a presumption about him.
I assumed that I wasn't enough in his eyes, that he didn't see me as female,
and I needed to know that he saw me as one. I didn't. Not because of him,
but because of me. The problem was with me . I didn't think I was enough.
I didn't think I was enough when I first met him, and probably pursing
something romantic with someone feeling that way wasn't the smartest thing
to do. In fact, I really shouldn't have. I really wasn't ready to deal
with a relationship on any level because I didn't have much self-love
to begin with.
And a big reason why I have so much self doubt when it comes to men is
largely in part because they never gave me the validation that I felt
I needed. The desire to be treated like a girl. I was always treated like
a boy and that has caused irreparable damage to how I deal with men.
What your article made me realize is that this circumstance sucks
all the way around. And that I need to focus on myself and my core identity,
and that I probably will never fall in love with a man. By understanding
this and accepting this, it releases me. It releases me from all the pressure
of trying to be perfect and flawless in their eyes.
The guy I was dating, not at all long after we were done, he met a GG
and got her pregnant. It didnt take him long to get over me and I know
The fact is that no matter what a transsexual does, no matter how pretty
she is, or how passable she is, or how much society "accepts her
as a woman"...the grass is always greener on the inside...meaning
a man will always unfairly compare a genetic woman to a transsexual. As
long as that comparison exists, as long as we have that label (transsexual)
tied to our gender, we will always fall short, somehow, to the mind of
the one-dimensional rigid man who can't see a woman, even if she wasn't
Subject: Film that Would Interest your TG Audience
Date: 9/28/2006 1:20:08 PM Pacific Standard Time
My name is Masa and I’m on the team to spread word about "Zerophilia,"
the film about a boy who can change gender at will, tackling issues of
being able to be TG, and is about an overall message about acceptance.
Please check out the trailer at: www.zerophilia.com
and you might want to talk about the film on your site. Maybe we could
get you an interview with director Martin Curland over email or something
if you show great interest.
You're site seems
to be very positive, and the film Zerophilia is a positive, light-hearted
look at sexuality and gender changes. Please email me if you have any
Talk to you soon,
WAS INVALUABLE, TGIRL'S BOYFRIEND SAYS
Subject: Your site was invaluable!
Date: 9/28/2006 11:31:27 AM Pacific Standard Time
I just wanted to say that I am SO glad I found your site.
started dating a wonderful pre-op TS lady (let's just call her "Kelly"
to cut down on the use of pronouns, mostly for my benefit). Kelly answered
a personal ad I had placed online (actually, a friend of her's saw it,
sent it to her and told her she'd better write to me!)
My mother always taught
me to get to know a person for who they are, not what they are -- be it
sex (gender or preference), skin color, religion, etc.
When Kelly told me
right from her first email that she was a pre-op TS living her third year
as a woman (or as Kelly put it, "My third year living as ME"),
I didn't even give it a second thought; she was pretty and funny...a good
start in my book. Anyway, Kelly is a wonderful person; our sense of humor
is the same (a bit twisted and dark at times), we're both admitted "dorks,"
we connect, we click with each other in a way that I've never had with
any GG (I'm divorced once and have never had a LTR that I was TRULY happy
Dating a TS is "new
territory" for me and because I like this girl, and I didn't want
to blow it. She had been hurt in a previous relationship -- the guy's
intentions were NOT what he led her to believe, and Kelly was very hesitant
and guarded with me at first. That was totally understandable. I've been
burned like that, too. I won't even tell you how hard it was to get her
to take a chance and meet in person.
I had lots of questions
and some I felt would NOT be appropriate or proper to ask her. Your site
has answered EVERY SINGLE QUESTION in my mind. How to proceed, how to
treat her (like a lady. Duh. I DO THAT with any woman I'm dating), what
to do, what not to do, how to act, intimacy, how to deal with meeting
the family (hasn't got to that point yet, but I feel like it will -- not
too much of an issue, my family is open minded and we have a few TV and
TS in the family, to boot) -- all those questions and more I found answers
to on your site. The articles are fantastic and the advice section...hell,
I almost saw myself in a couple of those emails.
Thanks, again for
INSIDE YOURSELVES, TGIRLS
Subject: Some comments
Date: 9/26/2006 3:06:59 PM Pacific Standard Time
I've been reading some of your articles, and most of them are quite interesting,
but don't always portray both sides of the story equally.
I'm a bisexual guy
who was in a long-term relationship with a pre-op transsexual. The relationship
broke up through her choice, because she didn't believe I respected her
enough. Yet, in fact, it was the other way around. Sure, there are guys
out there who are pigs, Neanderthals, just out for sex, but there are
also guys who aren't.
I label myself as
bisexual because it's the closest definition I have -- gender doesn't
bother me. Admittedly, I didn't go into the relationship with all the
facts, but when I first encountered my ex, I was attracted to her and
didn't even realize she was TS. A gay friend of mine informed me after
I announced my interest, as if I was to be appalled, but my reaction was
different. As a bisexual, it doesn't matter to me what's under the hood.
This may have been a naive outset, but I got to know her as a person and
quickly came to like her and fell in love with her over time.
However, she wasn't
a very nice person all the time. The stresses of transitioning got to
her, and inevitably she took them out the person closest person to her
-- me. But talking with her, you could see that her attitude towards men
was very negative. She never gave me the respect I deserved, was always
looking for the negative, waiting for me to fail. All the good things
were overlooked, because I was a man, and I only wanted her for sex. I
didn't lie to her -- I told her I was bisexual, mainly because she would
have found out from my friends anyway. That gave her yet another excuse
for the relationship to fail -- I only wanted her because I wanted her
penis, because I was really gay.
With a mindset like
that, the relationship was doomed to fail, especially after she stopped
trying. She only wanted me when she wanted me -- the rest of the time
she was as stubborn and distant just as any natal male or female can be.
Just as you should
be educating men (and women) about transsexuality and dealing with pre-op
and post-op TS girls, you should also be looking to educate TS girls about
the fact that not every natal man or women out there is a pig just waiting
to abuse them for sex. There's a lot of anti-male propaganda around, and
while quite a large part of the natal male population are assholes and
don't do the rest of us any favors, we're not all like that. We are all
people, and we all deserve to be treated with respect, and not dismissed
based on such propaganda and ill-thought-out conclusions of others.
In many ways, my ex-girlfriend's
attitude is her own downfall, and is making her existence as a pre-op
transsexual much harder than it should be. Many TS friends I have spoken
with, pre- and post-op, have similar attitudes, and it is this that prevents
them from finding the love and companionship they seek. There are great
guys out there, but if you aren't willing to look for them and give people
a chance, then you are doomed to failure. The people who continue to support
the man-bashing approach, particularly bisexual men, are doing no favors
for the transsexual community.
& THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW
Subject: Springer Show
Date: 9/26/2006 8:15:42 AM Pacific Standard Time
First of all, I want to say thanks for setting the Springer Show straight.
Second, I saw the episode last night and, as expected, they turned it
into a freak show. Though the girl who went on the date was quite beautiful,
Jerry made constant referances to the guy who went out with her as being
gay. Made constant references to the woman not being a woman and made
it all a big joke. As usual.
it looks like your response had absolutely no effect, not that I really
expected it to. Only reason I watched at all was to see how they would
do that small segment of the show. The rest of the episode consisted of
a shemale in a bikini, and I use the term appropriately in this case.
And a sister confronting her transsexual "sister," trying to
convince him he just needs to be a man.
was handled fairly respectfully, for the date itself seemed like they
had a nice time and enjoyed each other's company, even said they'd want
to date again. It was when they were back to the studio talking is when
the whole "He's gay and she's a guy" thing started. Obviously,
depite your efforts, the show has learned nothing and will continue to
exploit the trans communuity. And sadly, a lot of people get their impressions
of transsexuals from that show.
for the great website, though, and keep up the good work in educating
reply: If the public can't tell that the Springer Show is pure shit, then
they have serious problems. I had no expectations my email rebuke would
have any effect. I just wanted to go on record telling them that they
Subject: I have boobies !
Date: 9/26/2006 7:32:14 AM Pacific Standard Time
I have just started taking hormone pills. I have developed small breasts.
I also did a little work with a pump to give me perky nipples. I have
removed all the hair from the neck down. I guess I wanted to be a girl
my whole life. I am interested in meeting guys and girls to date.
VOLUNTEERS FOR ROOM MONITOR DUTY
Subject: Note to MichaelTSG
Date: 9/24/2006 6:42:57 PM Pacific Standard Time
I just wanted to let you know that I found your site very welcoming in
my time visiting it. Also, I wanted you to know one of your mods one night
had to leave and asked me to fill in as a Temp Room Monitor at your site.
I found the pull-up text rather interesting for greeting users. I like
how you set that up for your site. I only had to fill in for about 5 minutes
'til another of your regular moderators showed up, but it was fun. Seeing
as I am a moderator at Lauras Playground and cannot offer a regular amount
of time to your site, I can not volunteer as a full-time mod at your site
or for on a regular basis. I would, however, be interested in training
as a fill-in when needed if I come in and only one mod is there who needs
to leave for a while, so your room won't need to close. I realize it would
not happen all that often, as you have a very dedicated staff. But I do
also realize that there are days when it does happen that all the staff
can not be there. Please let me know what your answer is. Thank you.
SAYS THANKS FOR TSMATCH.COM
Subject: Many thanks
Date: 9/23/2006 4:34:59 PM Pacific Standard Time
To you and all the others who have put TS
Match together and work hard to maintain it: I just registered today
and I was particularly struck by your statement about the TG community
in the News section and couldn't agree more. A site like this could potentially
be a godsend for people like me.
If an opportunity
arises to donate or become a subscribed member, count me in.
CLARITY ON SEXUALITY QUESTION
Subject: Needs clarity
Date: 9/19/2006 1:15:02 PM Pacific Standard Time
I am a male who is confused on the transsexual thing. I like transsexuals
just as much as I like women, and maybe more. I find them sexuality stimulating
and only see a woman, just with a penis. I don't like men at all but I
like transsexuals and they both have a penis. Does me liking them make
me gay or what? I like penises on a girl, but on a guy I'm grossed out,
especially sex-wise . I am what you might say a young man so I shouldn't
be talking to you guys but I trust you. I have seen you website and enjoyed
the outlook on this. I trust you to give me an answer that is the truth
and not some malarkey like I have been getting from other sites.
SAYS NO MALE BASHING
Subject: male bashing
Date: 9/11/2006 10:37:21 PM Pacific Standard Time
Great article, please send my congrats to the writer. I see this happening
so often and it is innappropriate, especially since this IS a DATING site.
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